Updated: Oct 30, 2021
As I write this, I enter the third week of an unexpected health challenge - on October 11th I experienced a diverticuli hemorrhage, which required ambulance activation and an 15 hour ED stay. As a result, I became profoundly anemic, with a Hgb of 78 (normal levels are 120 - 160) and a Ferritin of 5 -(normal levels are 20 - 300) I am in the midst of receiving iron transfusions, one last week, one today and thereafter to be determined by my lab results. I am clear that my body is healing and regenerating, albeit on a timeline much different from what I might expect or prefer.
This has been quite an intriguing journey, as I have learned to navigate the very clear needs of my body for rest and rejuvenation. The first two weeks I had no energy for anything beyond the base requirements for nutrition , rest and sleep. Reading/concentrating - any kind of task felt like too much effort.
During this time, what did become apparent was the energetics around Choice---How was I going to 'Be' with myself during this unexpected challenge? How would I navigate this? How could I 'BE' the 'best version' of me whilst in the midst of this experience? Was I going to get 'lost' and 'stay' in the Why Me, Why This, Why now? Was I going to set up residence in the land of shame and blame - hearing echo's of could of, would of, should of ----which by the way are all from egoic self - which much like a little feisty terrier facing off with a Bear,---egoic self carries a pronounced and false sense of it's ability to control what happens to you through shaming/blaming/shoulding)
OR would I take the Choice to rest in an alternate option, one of Awareness and Allowance.
Here's the thing about the Why Me's - it's important to find a way to let yourself flow through this step.
It's a natural and expected belief structure that we ALL carry, both societally, generationally and ancestrally. It can be utilized as an opportunity to allow and identify what belief structures you indeed carry about yourself, your body, your ability to heal, your ability to be resilient and recover.
When we are in allowance - we are neither in agreement or rejection of our belief systems, we 'allow' them to come forth, we cry them, we grieve them, we feel them.
As we feel them, we simultaneously ask for all the supports of the Universe, to assist us in moving through the feelings and the thoughts as they arise to the wisdoms that are ALWAYS behind them.
I practice the flow of allowance by bring presence/awareness to 'what am I feeling/sensing/thinking.
I follow this by telling myself 'of course' I feel/sense/think this way, this is patterning that I've identified with up til now. This is an energetic form of allowance that neither condemns or judges myself for what I feel/sense/think. I ALLOW the angst, the yuck, the ewwwww's to come up. When this feels complete, or during the sitting with the feeling/sensation/thought, I call forth a Blessing, I call a Thanks upon it, I ask for the Guides and Guardians that are here expressly to help me with this situation, and I extend an invitation for the Universe to show me 'What Else if Possible here?' What other Possibilities and Potentials exist here? HOW CAN I SEE THIS and BE WITH THIS DIFFERENTLY? HOW CAN I LET LOVE GUIDE ME HERE? HOW DO I BE THE BEST VERSION OF ME AS I MOVE THROUGH THIS? For me, the best version of me is the one that allows Loving compassion, forgiveness, empathy, kindness and the willingness to move beyond current conclusions and fears.
Asking ALWAYS provides an answer - it has been my experience, that sometimes the answers come immediately, sometimes in the next few days, and sometimes months later.
The challenge with the Why Me's is not to get 'stuck' in the justification of the belief, as it is similar to being offered a door with a key in the lock, and we choose to slam the door closed and turn the key whilst staying 'justified' in why this sucks, why this is not OK. This frame of mind, and choice of focus not only does not feel very good, and continues to create more yuck, it can also shut down most possibilities of receiving insight (unless your Guides and Guardians choose to shout, which is always a potential - grinning), and makes it more challenging to receive the energetics of Change. It dulls our receptivity to ALLOWING Possibility and Potentials to be RECEIVED by our consciousness.
I am also extremely fortunate to be surrounded with family and Soul SiStars who assist me in maintaining transparency about where I be, how I be, where I might feel stuck, and to help me realign with my choice to stay in Awareness and Allowance.
Allowance you see, is not the same thing as acceptance. There are aspects of this journey that I do not feel in acceptance of, but I can certainly be in allowance of. The energetic shift that occurs when I stop fighting the I 'should' be in acceptance' of this is immense, and can then be utilized for my healing. Allowance allows the 'yes this sucks', and 'yes this is not ok' and anywhere you 'allow' you flow, and where you flow, you grow in consciousness and possibility.
I also see that this happening in the weeks leading to Samhain are not 'coincidental'
Born in Scotland, my ancient ancestral DNA is of the Celtic and Druidic lineages - and my recent ancestral DNA is 82 % Scottish Central Lowlands, with 10 % Ireland, 5% Wales, and 3 % Northern England and Northwestern Europe.
As a result of my lineage, birth and the evolution of my role as a Word Weaver, a Spiritual Midwife and Shamanista, I am aware of the yearly potency of the Samhain - this year Oct 31st to Nov 6th.
My initial focus on this year was around the healing of ancestral lineage's however with this health challenge, it soon became apparent that this year would be different.
I was gently and firmly shown that there was a requirement and invitation to step away from the focus on what I could or should be doing to' heal them' -- to reframe, refocus.
In one of those sudden ah ha moments, it became clear, that an invitation was being offered, one with no strings, no requirements other than to choose to rest in the energies of ALLOWANCE AND RECEIVING.
Did this healing crisis involve ancestral patterns? - Yes it did.
Does this healing crisis involve the opportunity to heal these patterns? - Yes it does.
Was this healing crisis an opportunity to invoke and involve the ancestors? Yes It Is.
Do we ALL Have Loving and Supportive Ancestors who are willing, ready and able to assist us during these healing crisis's? Yes We Do.
How do we access this help and support?
We Ask (allow support known) and We Allow.
We Ask and Allow those Ancestors who are Loving and Supportive to provide us with the energetic inflows, upgrades, evolutions, inspirations, infusions that carry their Wisdoms, Their Energies & Awareness's which are multidimensionally more aware than we Be at this moment.
We know that they have navigated challenges and choices in their own lives, bringing the benefit of their insights and expanded vision around what is possible.
During this time of year, it is 'easier' and 'more in flow' to allow this interaction.
Know that they are available to us year round, however during Samhain, the energies are much more conducive to awareness and allowance of their caring presence.
So for now, I rest, and repeatedly tune into the intention and the willingness to ALLOW and RECEIVE Ancestral Wisdoms, and the gentle gift of their Loving Presence.
How you perceive their presence will be unique to you, for me, it feels like a Soft Loving Presence that surrounds and supports me.
With much Gratitude, Allowance and Receiving