In awareness of Mother's Day.
In awareness that Mother's Day can be a Blessing or an Endurance - shaped by your experiences of 'Mother'
With awareness that my own relationship with my Mom was complex.
She was one who lived with intensity, and I felt that anger or frustration was often the first emotion I was met with. I also felt that I carried burdens of expectation in what was acceptable, what wasn't, what and who and how I was to be.
Needless to say, for those who know me, my 'reluctance' to conform to these expectations often caused conflict.
It took many years, and living life itself, to develop a capacity to understand what was 'underneath' the intensity - to see how multi layered, challenging, fulfilling and at times overwhelming parenting is - to develop compassion for myself and my Mom.
It took a major stroke, and a complete change to her life, to literally 'melt' away the patterns of anger and allow us to see and feel the layers of caring that always existed for us.
It was, I believe, one of our mutual Soul Growth's to be able to finally come together - heal all the 'stuff' and the resentments.
One of the major healing moments of my relationship with my Mom, occurred during a fish and chips lunch at Mom's favorite restaurant - she said if she and Dad had known how hard emigrating was going to be on myself and my brother, they never would have left. In that moment, all the angst, shock, pain, trauma and hurt about being uprooted from the land of my birth and the grandparents who loved me was somehow released through this acknowledgement. Much more importantly I had the major shift of realization and gratitude that if we had not emigrated, I would not be who I was now, and could not have grown as I did. I was filled with such gratitude in that moment, and I am forever grateful that I was able to share that with my Mom, and to see and feel her releasing the guilt and angst she had carried about this.
I am fortunate in having had the time to literally 'rebuild' the relationship with my Mom during her last decade, and feeling appreciation and gratitude for that shift. We were able to have Soul to Soul conversations in which we were vulnerable, transparent and compassionate with one another. I learned more about my Mom and her life during this time, which allowed me to see the depth's of who she was, and to see those strengths in myself and my siblings.
Her happiness when I became a Mother, also helped to heal many things - and I am in appreciation for all the times she recognized that my choice was different from hers, but valid for me and mine.
Her joy in her grandchildren, and her great grandchild was so heart warming to see, and it deepened our relationship once I became a Grammy.
It took all of this healing, to be able to actually know and see that I was loved by my Mom, and that through all the years and the 'stuff' that interfered with my ability to see it and her's to send it, did not impact or lessen it's strength.
I was able to move into friendship with my Mom.
Those years that allowed me to have this friendship, simultaneously blessed with the fact that my daughter and I are best friends as well, was rich indeed.
In addition, one of the blessings of having moved through these complexities to the love waiting, has shaped how I parent, how I am a Mom and a Grammy. I let no day go by without telling my daughter and my grandson how much I love them, and how much I appreciate their presence in my life. So, in a way, that which caused hurt as a child, has been transformed into a parenting choice that makes me and my life better.
I have read the letter my Mom left for me after her death many times - and the one sentence that healed me deeply, and always brings me to tears of gratitude.
'There is so much that I could write but I want to close with all my love and my hopes for your future to find the life you want to lead, and to know that I have loved you all your life'
I have loved you all your life.
I have loved you all your life.
This simple truth, and the energies within in, wash over my heart, and allow shifts in all the places and spaces that ever doubted it.
So to that end, May I call A Blessing Upon you, to Gift you with that Presence and Power of Love, that comes through the Mother - whomever she may be in your life.
Mom, Grandmother, Aunt, Sister, Cousin, Friend, Gaia - whomever stands as Mother in your life.
May you feel the Blessing of Your Mother's Love.
If you are in a place and space where that does not seem to exist,
May you feel the Blessings of those who have stepped forth to Mother you in her stead.
May those who Mother, Be Blessed.
May those who wish to Mother. Be Blessed
May those who wanted to Mother, and did not, Be Blessed
May those who did not want to Mother, Be Blessed.
May those who have Mothers in the Great Beyond, Be Blessed
May those who have Children in the Great Beyond, Be Blessed.
May you know in the depth of your heart, the Everpresence of Maternal Love
By whomever, whatever, and however it has been experienced and voiced in your life.
May you see how you enrich Life through the Mothering you give, in whatever form it may be.
May you receive Love and "Mothering' Energies from all those who would Gift this to you, from across all realms and dimensions, all times and spaces.
May you truly know - You HAVE been loved all your life!