Grief - A Journey like no Other.
- Adventures of a Suburban Shamanista
- Jan 7
- 3 min read
Grief, a Journey like No Other.
One week ago today, suddenly and shockingly, my family experienced the unexpected death of of my brother in law, or as I referred to him the ' brother of my heart'.
This man had been an intrinsic part of our family for over three decades; a Vibrant Man of Integrity - who cared deeply for his wife, his children, his family and friends - 2 and 4 legged.
His happy place was his wife, his girls, and his rural home.
His grin, his sense of humor and his laugh were an integral part of who he was.
While he did not suffer fools, his depth of compassion and caring for all who crossed his path was 'just Geoff'
The ways he showed up for myself and my daughter, indeed all of our family was beyond count, and I moved through some of the biggest challenges in my life, knowing he had my back, and that if I needed him, the ' brother of my heart' would be there in an instant.
He was also there 1000% to support my daughter as she grew up,
He did not believe in following rules blindly, and could be counted on to stand up, speak up and serve as a way-shower in independent thinking, problem solving and resolution.
It would be hard to find anyone who disliked him.
The love that he and my sister shared was a Soul Deep Authentic kind of loving, and served as an inspiration to all who knew them.
Without warning, he was gone - and we who remain are thrust into the territory of grief
The territory of grief is not unknown to any of us - it appears to be part of the landscape of being human, we all experience degrees of grief as we grow up; the first time we lose a friendship, a missed job opportunity, something we 'failed' at, a relationship that ends, or a 'chance' we never took - we learn what sadness and loss feel like, and if we're fortunate, we are surrounded by friends and family that help us learn how to make our way through. These experiences all carry varying degrees of sadness and 'loss'
When someone dies however it is a very different visceral kind of grief.
For some of us, navigating this loss, it's our first time experiencing death - and it is a land we have no idea how to navigate.
For most of us, while it may not be our first time experiencing death, it is our first experience of having someone suddenly and shockingly die, with no forewarning or time to prepare.
For all of us, it is a journey through the immensity of the grief, the shock of the sudden loss, and mapping out how to interweave our intuitive knowing and felt sense of his Ever-Presence, and the perplexing and deeply sad viscerally felt experience of his physical loss.
As I watch my sister navigate this unimaginable loss, I see in her some of what Geoff saw - a fierce and undying love for him and her girls, and a tenacity that will not be thwarted in honoring him, and his life. I see the strength and vulnerability that she shows as a testimony to the depth of their love, which remains alive and strong.
For myself, and those of my generation -earlier in my life, and for my parents and grandparents; the social norms were to shush, or to shut down, and grieve in private. It is a fortunate thing that this landscape has slowly evolved, and grief is now recognized as a rich tapestry, with as many approaches to traversing this experience, as there are individuals.
Watching my sister become 'Grief', and in the doing, create a Sacred Space in which all who enter are able to name and feel their own Grief has been an incredible honor. There is a purity and depth in her being Grief - and in so doing---simultaneously acting as a living testimony to the love they share even now, and energetically allowing the recognition of life having irrevocably changed in the same moment.
So, I will do as the rest of my family will do---cry when I need to, smile when heart memories come up to sustain me, and contemplate how the Gift of knowing him has changed me in all the best of ways, and how to live my life in an ongoing testimony to that.
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